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literature
Clay-Molded World
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Literature Text
Ah, I am up in serenity
Sitting and looking over a world molded from clay,
Such a magnificent fabrication that is so artfully molded,
But this is no reality of mine,
For the only reality is the spirits gleaming under the sun,
These spirits; if I were to fall they would catch me,
And enjoy the company of the foreigner.
Across this clay-molded world there crawl ants,
Ants that I know molded this reality that they live in,
These ants develop the land and repair whatever damage
That may be done by the more mischievous spirits;
So serene up here; the ants are busy down on their world,
And I feel sorry that they cannot join me,
But no single reality can last forever.
I soon find myself descending
Closer to this clay-molded world,
And I regret not being able to stay with the spirits
As I gently float down and land on this reality;
Once I am there
I realize that I am just another ant
And gaze up at the spirits in longing.
Sitting and looking over a world molded from clay,
Such a magnificent fabrication that is so artfully molded,
But this is no reality of mine,
For the only reality is the spirits gleaming under the sun,
These spirits; if I were to fall they would catch me,
And enjoy the company of the foreigner.
Across this clay-molded world there crawl ants,
Ants that I know molded this reality that they live in,
These ants develop the land and repair whatever damage
That may be done by the more mischievous spirits;
So serene up here; the ants are busy down on their world,
And I feel sorry that they cannot join me,
But no single reality can last forever.
I soon find myself descending
Closer to this clay-molded world,
And I regret not being able to stay with the spirits
As I gently float down and land on this reality;
Once I am there
I realize that I am just another ant
And gaze up at the spirits in longing.
An "every-man's" poem written from a perspective of one looking down upon the world through an airplane.
© 2003 - 2024 sharkoftheday
Comments2
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Hi! This is your gallery visit from ~ WeCritique.
Over all, great poem wonderful job getting the point across. Personally this is in a style I don’t write. You take what you mean to say, and stretch it out. I enjoyed reading this, because from right off the bat, the reader has a sense of the poems direction, and you follow through. This is good or bad pending on your purpose. You leave very little to the imagination by using extreme metaphors which you explain in detail. Again, it’s your choice whether this is god or bad. Your use of repetition is very effective. You repeat, ‘clay-molded world,’ without causing the phrase to lose its significance. I did enjoy how you included it in each stanza.
My only real complaint is the falsity of it – and in many ways this is a personal preference. The whole poem sounded dreamy, and such. And if that’s what you were going for, then you did a great job. But I had some trouble allowing myself to get caught up in it. There was nothing really to bite into. Everything you said was what it was. The poem was a bit predictable. That’s not a bad thing – it’s just a style.
The imagery was wonderful, the metaphors were very clear and (very) easy to understand and interpret. This is a very reader friendly poem. Nice job overall, but don’t get caught up in explaining what you mean.
Any questions? Drop me a note!
~Shadow2B
Over all, great poem wonderful job getting the point across. Personally this is in a style I don’t write. You take what you mean to say, and stretch it out. I enjoyed reading this, because from right off the bat, the reader has a sense of the poems direction, and you follow through. This is good or bad pending on your purpose. You leave very little to the imagination by using extreme metaphors which you explain in detail. Again, it’s your choice whether this is god or bad. Your use of repetition is very effective. You repeat, ‘clay-molded world,’ without causing the phrase to lose its significance. I did enjoy how you included it in each stanza.
My only real complaint is the falsity of it – and in many ways this is a personal preference. The whole poem sounded dreamy, and such. And if that’s what you were going for, then you did a great job. But I had some trouble allowing myself to get caught up in it. There was nothing really to bite into. Everything you said was what it was. The poem was a bit predictable. That’s not a bad thing – it’s just a style.
The imagery was wonderful, the metaphors were very clear and (very) easy to understand and interpret. This is a very reader friendly poem. Nice job overall, but don’t get caught up in explaining what you mean.
Any questions? Drop me a note!
~Shadow2B